Much to his parents dismay...

Situation: Doing home program with a student (who lives in a loving, and happy family...just to be clear). Student brings me a picture of his parents.....



Student: Kristen, Do you think this picture is before or after my parents were married?

Me: I'm not sure, what do you think?

Student: Ummm, probably before they were married, cause they look pretty happy.....

Don't flatter yourself

       Although all of the children I work with have their own unique characteristics, personality, and traits, one of the things that I have noticed over the years is that 85% (a complete guesstimation) of them talk to themselves in the bathroom. I don't know if it is because they think nobody is listening and so they use it as an outlet, or what but I have heard some pretty interesting one person discussions go on in there.

      One of my students has a hard time not laughing at serious, dangerous, scary, or inappropriate subjects (hahaha, who doesn't?) so I think he goes in there and has a good laugh at everything he shouldn't, and gets it out of his system. For example, the other day he got up from the table and said:

"Kristen, I have to use the bathroom."

 he got up and shut the door...he then immediately he started laughing. I listened in and he was saying:

"Hahahaha, bullying.....HAHAHAHA SEXUAL HARASSMENT!! HAHAHAHAHA"

Oh man...

Anyways,

Awhile back I was working with a 10 year old boy on the spectrum, and he asked to go to the bathroom. He went in, and I could here him as clear as day:

He said, "I can't believe I'm on a date with Kristen..."

Well, I thought to myself  "Oh how cute, he has a little crush on me..."

                     Then my ego took over......

I thought to myself  "well, I'm not surprised, I am the young cool BI...."

                      I listened once again, and he went on to say:

"Oh man, how am I going to let her down easy? I mean, I don't want to be in this relationship...I'm just going to have to tell it to her straight..."

To my utter surprise, he was in there looking for ways to DUMP ME!!

I was instantly offended...

He came out of the bathroom like nothing ever happened. The nerve!

He sat down at the table...I asked him "Are you ready to work?"

he replied, "yeah, sure..."

I'll chalk that one down as yet another blow to my wounded ego

Let's not push it...

Student: "Kristen, isnt it your husband's birthday today?"

Me: "Yes it is! Do you want me to tell him "Happy Birthday" from you?"

Student: "No."

When life gives you lemons, throw a rager...

    Ahhhh, here I go again...procrastinating on my school work. Whatever, Statistics are overrated anyways.
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      One of the most heart breaking part of my job is when my students talk about not having any friends. Some of the kids I work with seem to be oblivious to the notion of  "friends" or "socializing" and would much rather read a book, watch TV, or play video games without having the annoyance of somebody actually talking to them...

To be honest, I feel like that most of the time too. Hey, maybe that's why I get along with my students so well.

Anywho, where was I ? Oh yes, "Friends."

Some of the kids I work with could care less about socializing, but others seem to feel quite lonely :(

      I was saddened the other day when talking to one of my students about his birthday. He told me that he spent his birthday with his family because he didn't have any friends to invite to his birthday party. I reminded him that he could always invite the boys from the social group we attend.

He replied with:

      "Well, I think that would be a bit of a crazy party. Maybe we would be PARTY ANIMALS and could swing from chandeliers! I think we might even destroy someones LUXURY HOME!...I think it would be a better idea if they just dropped the gifts off in the foyer and left."




  Good point...

Unexpected thoughts...

Situation: Working at a home program with one of my students. Student is giggling to himself..

Me: "What are you thinking about?"

Student: "Oh, I'm just thinking about people starving to death"

Yeah...hilarious...

These Puppies Are Sick

     Well it's mid may, and we are all sick. What the heck is going on? Shouldn't cold and flu season be over by now?

(if you rather not read about my own self loathing, scroll down to the line...I wont judge you)

      As I sit here with no voice OR patience for this virus, I hope to GAWD that my baby doesn't get it.....WE NEED SLEEP!

      If you work with kids, you get sick all the time. They pick their noses, cough and sneeze all over you, and hardly ever wash their hands which makes for a Disneyland-like setting for infectious viruses.

      I don't know if there is scientific research to suggest that children on the spectrum are more prone to viruses, but it seems to me that these kids are sick ALL THE TIME! Or maybe its just kids in general?
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 Anyways, here is an amusing situation that happened when one of my students was sick:

     Fiona (my colleague) and I were working at a social group. We all sat in a circle and we were greeting each other by singing:

      "Hi___(name)__, How are you?"

      and the child would USUALLY respond with,

     "I'm _(good/great/not-so-good)_, thank you"....

    We went around the circle and got to my student who looked particularly "off"....we sang:

     "Hi ______, How are you"

He responded with:

      "I have Diarrhea, thank you"

I wasn't expecting that....

but I am sure, neither was he.

Beauty is from within...apparently

     Many of the children I work with have no internal filter, which makes for REALLY interesting conversations as well as some hilarious, yet challenging situations. I worked with one child in particular who had a very short fuse...especially when I came down to losing (a reoccurring theme).
 
      If you know me, you know that I am not a girly girl. At times I put effort into my appearance, but to be honest, not that often do I dress up, do my hair, etc. Partly because I am too lazy...ok, ok, MOSTLY because I am too lazy, and partly because it is not functional in my day to day work. I need to be ok when I get pooped, barfed, and peed on...and that HAS happened all in the same day...

Moving along...

One day my friend Melissa and I decided to "pamper" ourselves and get our nails done. I have terrible nails to begin with because I have been biting them for as long as I can remember. Sexy, I know.

Sorry men, I'm taken.

After our nails were done, I was particularly shocked at how long and thick they were, but I thought I just wasn't used to them.

Later that I went to work with the boy who has a REALLY short fuse. We were practicing "losing games" We started to get to the end of the board game and he could tell that I was going to win. He started to panic and yelled,

"I'M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE!"

I said, "Yep, we are going to finish the game, then we will play something else,"

"NOOOOO!" he screamed and threw the board..

I told him,  "Lets go get the board and set it back up, it is not ok to throw the game"

He yelled at me "DON'T TALK TO ME ...WITH YOUR MEATY CLAWS!!!"

I looked at my newly done nails and laughed to myself....

He was right, they WERE "meaty claws"

I took them off later that day...the biting continues

All we are is dust in the wind...

   I used to work in a group home with an 18 year old girl who had Autism. She was very competitive with everything, so we tended to stay away from games where there are clear winners and losers. One day her father brought her a Karaoke machine because she loved to sing, and she was really good at singing! I thought: "great, this will be a good activity for us to do together!"

     She started off by singing "The rain down in Africa" by Toto...awesome, I know...She was singing really good. I didn't know at the time, and much to my dismay, the Karaoke machine actually graded the singers...she got like 94% or something ridiculous. Amazing! However, she started fixating on how it wasn't 100%, and we worked through it.

    Now it was my turn... I knew that I wouldn't be able to beat her 94% so I wasn't worried about it becoming an issue. My song choice was "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas...(You may remember Will Farrell sing it in such films as "Old School")..moving along...

   I started singing.. "I close my eyes..." and the music took over. I lost all control and I sang the hell out of that song...I hit notes I didnt even know I could hit!

I hate to brag, but it was utterly amazing.

The song ended...I felt like I was the most beautiful singer in the world...I NAILED IT!

We both waited anxiously for my score....100%! BOOYA! I was amazed at myself! What an accomplishment!

I looked over at my client, who started to say to herself :
"she got 100%, she got 100%...." over and over again..

I thought to myself, "oh crap...."

I spent the next hour stopping her from breaking things and talking her down. "Remember, its just a game, it doesn't matter who wins or loses"

But to be honest, I was still REALLY proud of myself

Smother's Day

   Well, I want to start off by saying Happy 1st Mother's Day to myself...selfish, I know, but I don't care, that's how I roll ;)

   Oh Yeah, and Happy Mother's Day to my Mom and my Mother in law :)

    My First Mother's Day has been fantastic so far! Coffee and Breakfast in bed, gifts, hugs, cuddles...what else can a women ask for? Maybe a baby that sleeps through the night, but lets not push it...

    Nobody can compare to mother's of children who have special needs! I don't know how they do it....its a long, hard, exhausting, and most of the time a thankless job. For example:

     Last year I was working with one of my students (who has Autism...of course) and we were completing a Mother's day poem for his school.

(To give some perspective, his mother is like friggen Super Mom. Their house is always extremely clean, everything is organized, dinner is always made, she manages his program, PTA meeting IP meetings, team meeting, you name it, she does it.)

Anyways, I read a part where my student needs to fill in the poem.

Me: "Tell me why your mom is great"

Student: "I don't know"

Me: "Ok, well lets think about some things your mom does for you everyday"

Student: "Like what"

Me: "Well who makes your dinner every night?"

Student: "Well she does...but sometimes my dad does too..."

Me: "Ok well, who cleans your house"

Student: "Sometimes my dad"

     I could see this was going nowhere...

Me: "What about the love she gives you? The hugs and kisses"

Student: "to tell you the truth, I rather not be hugged and kissed"

     I think to myself:  "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! WORK WITH ME KID!!!"

So I just start listing all the things I have seen her do for him:
-Cooking, cleaning, hugs, kisses, help with home work, taking him to movies, swimming, etc.

He replies with: "Ok, ok, but you know Kristen, there ARE nicer moms...you know, the ones who smile all the time..."

SO, LET THIS BE A LESSON TO MOMS EVERYWHERE:

 Apparently it doesn't matter how much you slave over your ungrateful children and family, you better do it with a freaking smile on your face!

But you know, no pressure.....

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Another day older, another day hairier...

*Sidenote*: As I write this, I am watching my son through our video monitor (because I am a psycho paranoid mom) and I see him doing some crazy modified yoga moves in his crib while yelling "AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!" as to keep himself from falling asleep. I admire his perserverance.

     Being a mom has given me some much needed perspective on the whole Autism thing....one of the perspectives is a Mother's perspective. I now partially understand how devestating it might be for some parents to find out their child's diagnoses. I say "partially" because I will never truley understand unless it happends to me. From now on, I will remind myself of this when working with particulairly abrasive parents, and know there is a good reason for it.

     Going on....another new perspective I have discovered is the "holy crap, im old" perspective. Before, I would look at myself as the "hip", "cool", and fun BI.

Ok, anyone who says "hip" is a total dork, and probably old,....I know...

Now, I am somebody's mom! How the hell did this happen? I guess my cool points just went down.

Yesterday I was reminded how old I was when working with one of my students:

Student: "Have you ever watched Toy Story 3?"

Me: "I don't think so...Actually, I dont think I have even watched Toy Story 2 yet"

Student, "Yeah, that's cause you're old"...

I thought to myself, "Holy Shit, he's right..."

This is the same kid that when I was trying to have a very serious discussion with a group about Bullies, he put up his hand and says:

"Um, I see some hair under your nose, and it looks like a moustashe..."

To be clear, this is not the first time I have been called out on my appearance before:

 When working with a five year old boy (who had very little verbal skills, mind you) we were naming parts of the body. It was summer and I was wearing shorts (in retrospect, a terrible idea).

Me: "where are your legs?"

Student points to his legs.

Me: "where are my legs"

Student touches my legs and says:

"Shave your legs, Kristen"

I don't know WHY I ever thought I was the cool one.....

Another one, before I forget...

Situation: Driving to a social group with a six year old student.

Student: "Kristen, what is Las Vegas?"

Me: "It's a city in the US where adults go to play games and win money."

Student: "Is there anything for Kids to do there?"

Me: "I think that there are some activities, like kids shows maybe.."

Student: "Kristen, Why do cows give milk from their penises?"

Just another day....

The reason for this blog...

   A little background on myself:

     I am (almost) 29 years old and I have been working with Children and Adolescents who are on the Autism Spectrum for about 10 years now. I have been an Educational Assistant, a Community Support Worker, Preschool Support Worker, a teacher in a preschool for children on the spectrum, and a Behaviour Interventionist....holy crap. As you can imagine, I have worked with MANY children each with their own distinct personality and beautiful qualities that make them the most brilliant minds I have ever come across. These individuals have not only changed my perspective on the world, they have taught me more then I could ever teach them. Ok, enough with the sappy stuff..

    I started this blog because through these years I have come home with, for lack of a better term, HILARIOUS, quotes and stories from these kids. I thought that because people in the "World of Autism" or the "Autism Culture"such as Parents, Teachers, Educational Assistants, Behaviour Interventionists, Occupational Therapists, Physiotherapists, Speech and Language Pathologists, (myself included) spend so much time on thinking of ways to help, change, or even "fix" (yes, I have heard people use that term) these kids, there needs to be a way to celebrate these kids for who they are and look at some of the positives rather then always dwelling on:
"He should be doing this..."
"She needs to know that..."
"When will he ever....?"
Etc....

Ok, Ok, I was also looking for more ways to procrastinate on my school work, but that's besides the point.

Oh yeah, I might have some typos...but don't be jerks about it, I have a 10 month old son and I have to type fast.

Back to the point (I get distracted easily...)

Over the years I have kept mental notes, as well as actual notes, of some of the "awesome" situations I have found myself in and some of the hilarious things my students have told me. Here it goes, I will start with something that happened this week actually:

Situation: My 11 year old student is laughing to himself.

Me: "What are you thinking about?"

Student (now with a straight face):  "I'm just thinking about how I am going to start my own film company...I think I will call it " Inappropriate Pictures"


I love this kid...